Posts Tagged ‘Self-management’

« Older Entries

Which role are you taking?

1 July 2009

The influence leader faces a dilemma: When you are trying to advance a project, do you take the role of a convener/facilitator or that of an advocate?

These are distinct roles that are both important to getting things done. But the influence leader that carelessly mixes the two will quickly find themselves in trouble and the larger conversation in tatters.

For example, suppose you are trying to set direction for your project or organization. Two things need to happen at the same time. First, you and the people you are working with (and working for) need to have a complete discussion. That takes planning and conscious effort. Second, you need to step up and let people know what you’re thinking.

If you push a position when you should be shepherding the process, people will distrust your motives and resent your heavy-handedness. If you fail to take a position when people want to know what you think, you’ll look wishy-washy and uncommitted.

What are these roles?

As convener/facilitator, your task is to help everyone involved to have the fullest, most productive conversation needed to achieve results. You help frame the questions, you make space for everyone to participate, you make sure people are heard, and you ensure that decisions are made in a way that everyone can support.Your primary focus is the process of coming to a decision.

As an advocate, you’ve got your own ideas and opinions about what should be done and what should be decided. In fact, folks may be looking to you to weigh in with your perspective. You have an investment in the outcome of the process, so your primary focus is there.

You aren’t doing your job if you pick one of the roles to the exclusion of the other. Since you cannot just pick one, you need to pick both.

Both? Yes, you need to shift between roles, making sure the discussion is on track and also weighing in with your opinion.

The trick is to state clearly about which role you’re taking at a given time. Let people know that you are balancing two distinct roles.

If you are clear with yourself and others about which role you’re in, you’ll be able to manage the dilemma and keep yourself from getting stuck.

Comments (2)  •  Email This Post  •  Influence Leader Home
Technorati  •  Del.icio.us  •  Digg This!  •  Stumble It!  •  Facebook  •  Twitter
Tags: , , ,

Do you truly care what others think?

12 June 2009

Last week, I taught mid-career professionals in using dialogue (as opposed to discussion) to explore issues and understand different points of view.

A brief primer on dialogue: While discussion focuses on seeing differences, justifying positions, persuading and selling (among other things), dialogue seeks to increase understanding among people, seeing connections, exploring assumptions and creating shared meaning.

Dialogue balances advocacy (advancing your point of view) with inquiry (exploring what’s underneath others’ and your own perspectives). Discussion favors advocacy over inquiry.

Back to my story: Here were a motivated group of people, who had spent a week together working on learning about themselves and about communicating effectively, and yet it was really hard for them to keep from slipping out of dialogue into discussion.

They had prepared themselves for the dialogue and identified dialogic behaviors they wanted to develop, but in practice sessions they did much more advocacy than inquiry, including interrupting each other.

Clearly, people needed more time and practice to learn how to dialogue. They were smart, motivated folks, yet the old habits still took hold.

I wonder how true that is for influence leaders in general. I know I sometimes surrender to my desire to drive home a point.

How well do you practice true inquiry and dialogue with the people you want to influence? Do you succumb to desire to advocate too readily?

Comment  •  Email This Post  •  Influence Leader Home
Technorati  •  Del.icio.us  •  Digg This!  •  Stumble It!  •  Facebook  •  Twitter
Tags: , , ,

What do you really want?

23 April 2009

The last blog entry dealt with trying to understand the hidden needs of the people you are working with, the people you want to influence.

But what about your own needs? Have you stopped to consider what your needs are in this situation?

I’m not talking here about your strategy and tactics. I mean your personal, emotional needs. You’ve got needs just like anyone else, and chances are, your actions are influenced by those needs.

For example, one of the universal frustrations of influence leaders is being left out of important conversations. Your project gets discussed in a meeting you weren’t invited to. A decision gets made that affects you, but you didn’t have an opportunity to give input. Very frustrating.

Don’t act out of frustration. Pause to consider what your need is in this case:

  • Is it involvement/belonging? (Do you want to be included in the group that is making the decisions?)
  • Is it purpose/meaning? (Do you want to understand the purpose of your project? Do you want understand your work in the larger context and give it meaning?)
  • Is it recognition/respect? (As a key player in the project, do you feel that you are not being given the recognition or respect you deserve?)

Once you have a sense of your need is, you can start to make choices about how to satisfy that need, like deciding whether to talk to someone, who to talk to (e.g., confidant, coach, peer, boss), and how to approach them.

Make sure that the person you are talking to wants to hear about your needs. They should be, if they want you to be successful. However, if they don’t care, don’t bother. You’ll only lose ground. Most of the time, though, if you approach someone asking to raise something that’s troubling you, they’ll be receptive.

Whatever your situation, you’ll be more successful in filling that legitimate, personal need if you stop to identify it—and only then decide how to address it.

Comments (5)  •  Email This Post  •  Influence Leader Home
Technorati  •  Del.icio.us  •  Digg This!  •  Stumble It!  •  Facebook  •  Twitter
Tags: , ,

Seduced into convincing

6 March 2009

Have you ever felt that you absolutely must convince someone of something? That you must do everything in your power to sway them—right now, in this moment? Ever had a time where failure is not an option?

If so, you’re in trouble. Big trouble. Not only are you no longer effective, you’ll find that further pushing will only damage the relationship and set you back.

Very few people will respond well to this kind of desperate appeal. I know they seem to in the movies, but it’s very rare in real life.

It’s like “going all in” in poker when you have a bad hand. You’re betting everything on very bad odds. It’s a sucker’s choice.

Some of the folks I’ve seen push too hard are the ones who had very little influence in the first place. It’s as if they are trying to become influential in one, fell swoop. It doesn’t happen that way!

When you feel that your only option is convincing, it means that there’s more you need to know about the situation, about the person you are trying to influence, what their needs and interests, and how they see you.

When you feel the need to convince, it’s time to pull back and reevaluate. Listen carefully to the messages you are receiving from the person or people you’re trying to convince. Look for the meaning underneath their words. Review what you know. Debrief with a trusted advisor.

And, most important of all, come up with a list of multiple approaches or tactics you can try. The more ideas you have, the less likely you’ll be to “bet the ranch” on forcing one to work.

Comment  •  Email This Post  •  Influence Leader Home
Technorati  •  Del.icio.us  •  Digg This!  •  Stumble It!  •  Facebook  •  Twitter
Tags: , ,

Crime, sports and weather

21 January 2009

A local TV news story of a young girl being kidnapped (and released without being harmed, thankfully) reminds me how single, stand-out events like this change our perceptions of safety.

We hear of a story like this and start keeping a closer eye on our kids, and warn other parents—all because we take this single event and conclude that there is now a greater danger of this happening again. These events occur pretty infrequently, and not very often for a community of millions of people.

When an event stands out like this, we tend to overestimate the likelihood and frequency of it happening again. And, that means that we might overreact and make changes in behavior that might ultimately go against our interests.

What does this mean for the influence leader? We need to guard against overreacting to events around us.

For example, if an executive shoots down someone’s idea in a meeting, we should not conclude that it’s a bad idea to share new ideas with that executive. Worse yet, if we hear stories of people failing in an effort to exercise influence, we shouldn’t assume that it’s not worth trying ourselves. Each of those other situations is unique; the circumstances vary.

You aren’t necessarily going to hear about all the successful influencing going on around you in your company. Those stories are not told again and again like the failures and shootings are.

Don’t talk yourself out of trying to influence by overestimating the possibility of a setback, based on anecdotal information.

One abduction in a community of 2+ million people doesn’t mean you should keep your kid inside all the time.

Comment  •  Email This Post  •  Influence Leader Home
Technorati  •  Del.icio.us  •  Digg This!  •  Stumble It!  •  Facebook  •  Twitter
Tags: , ,

Get out of the weeds

29 December 2008

Have you ever felt stuck, out of options and unable to make a move? As an influence leader this is deadly. It drains away initiative and confidence, which further ensnares you.

Feeling stuck is pretty common. You’ve taken action, made some decisions, and find yourself at a dead end. Everyone’s been there. It means you’ve tried stuff, you’ve made an effort. In a way, it’s a badge of honor.

But that doesn’t mean you want to stay there. You want to keep moving, no?

Fortunately, there is a common solution: Pull up and out. When we are stuck, we are usually down in the weeds—the details of our project or effort.

To get into the weeds, we’ve had to make a series of assumptions and conclusions, say, about what is possible or about what we are trying to achieve.

It’s those assumptions and conclusions that have us trapped. As long as we see only one way forward, and that way is blocked, we’ll feel stuck.

Happily, there is almost always another route, another option. If only we could see it.

That other option may be right there in front of you. The way to see it is to pull up and out (back up, step back, etc.) and see the big picture. Take a break, breathe, consult with a trusted advisor, take another look at your overall objective: What are the other ways of looking at this situation?

The answer usually doesn’t come right away, but asking the question always helps open up your thinking.

Comment  •  Email This Post  •  Influence Leader Home
Technorati  •  Del.icio.us  •  Digg This!  •  Stumble It!  •  Facebook  •  Twitter
Tags: , ,

Not get emotionally invested? What, are you crazy?

24 October 2008

How can you care about something without getting emotionally invested in it (as I suggested in the “Think like a campaigner” blog entry)? If you’re asking yourself that question, you may be like a blog reader who challenged me, asking how you can keep your emotions in check while also being committed.

The trick is to keep your eye on the prize and keep your ego in check.

Keep that long-term goal in mind. What is your goal? What do you want to change? The goal here needs to be something that helps the “greater good”—the larger organization or its mission. Not something that benefits only you. If it only benefits you (like a promotion), it’ll be very hard to keep your ego from getting pulled into the fray.

Keeping your emotions in check is very hard–but also the sign of an expert influence leader. Obviously, you care. But if you start to care too much and let your emotions run away with you, you can do a lot of harm.

The most straightforward way for keeping emotions in check is to challenge and revise the “stories” (interpretations, conclusions, judgments, assumptions) you make about other people and events—especially those stories concerning another person’s motives. If you view that person as a villain and out to get you (your story), you’re going to feel angry (your emotion) and probably act on that emotion. And, ultimately, hurt your cause because your reptilian (fight or flight) brain will be doing the thinking for you.

And, you may do a lot of damage to your goal and the relationships you need to achieve it.

How do you regain your balance? Recognize and examine that story. Instead of thinking of the other person as a villain or adversary, ask yourself: Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person do this? Develop a couple of additional stories and compare them to the original. Is it possible your story needs revision?

If you can both keep that eye on the prize as well as your emotions in check, you’ll keep your whole brain involved and be much, much more effective as an influence leader.

Comment  •  Email This Post  •  Influence Leader Home
Technorati  •  Del.icio.us  •  Digg This!  •  Stumble It!  •  Facebook  •  Twitter
Tags: , ,

Think like a campaigner

23 September 2008

It’s an election season, and we’re surrounded by campaigns for candidates, referendums, and ballot initiatives (at least out here in the West). By this point the process, only the most ardent supporters are not weary of it all.

Yet, someone will win in the end.

Consider the influence leader who thinks of her strategy as a campaign. She has a crystal-clear goal or strategy and musters needed resources (in the forms of allies and money). She develops sticky messages and constantly adjusts her tactics to see which produce the best results.

Wouldn’t this kind of “campaign thinking” work as well in hospital where you are trying to reduce infections as it would for a political candidate? Wouldn’t this work just as well for a mid-manager trying to strengthen accountability? Or for a CEO reorganizing a company?

There are three essential elements to campaign thinking: (1) You focus on the long-term results, not the quick wins. And you don’t allow yourself to be derailed by petty stuff. Informed, yes; derailed, no. (2) You keep in mind that the campaign is separate from you. If someone doesn’t like what you are doing, they are attacking the campaign, not you. You can’t afford to get hooked into a pitched battle of egos. If you can stay emotionally neutral, you’ll achieve the third essential element: (3) flexibility. Flexibility means you can change tactics without changing your goal.

If you can stay focuses on long term results, don’t get too emotionally invested, and above all remain flexible, they you will have a very hard time failing. Because you’re a failure only when you stop trying.

Comment  •  Email This Post  •  Influence Leader Home
Technorati  •  Del.icio.us  •  Digg This!  •  Stumble It!  •  Facebook  •  Twitter
Tags: , ,

The importance of being gracious

31 August 2008

Can you accept any expression of thanks, a compliment, an offer of help without minimizing or dismissing it?

For many people, it’s really, really hard. It seems almost painful to hear a word of thanks or praise. Others seem unable to tolerate being helped.

Well, frankly, get over it! If you want to be successfully influencing other people, you’ve got to be able to accept their overtures toward you. You can’t just dispense thank yous without being willing to accept them. If you reject, dismiss or ignore someone’s expression of their positive regard, you risk offending them and hurting your ability collaborate with them in the future.

When they thank you, compliment you, offer you help, they expect to see their offer touch you. You got to let it touch you, or they’ll be disappointed and may give up on you.

The more real, vulnerable, three-dimensional you seem to people, the more likely they are to want to help you and support you.

Now, there are folks out there that think anything less than a stoic response will be perceived as a weakness that others will exploit. Sure, there are those occasional manipulators you need to guard against, but the other 99% of folks want to make a real connection to you.

And, one way to stand out is to graciously accept thanks, praise and help.

For Speaker of the House Tip O’Neill said that if you want someone to get someone to like you, get they to do you a favor (instead of doing them a favor). If someone does you the favor of recognizing you, then don’t screw it up by rejecting their gesture!

Comment  •  Email This Post  •  Influence Leader Home
Technorati  •  Del.icio.us  •  Digg This!  •  Stumble It!  •  Facebook  •  Twitter
Tags: , ,

Keep on truckin’

4 August 2008

In the late 60s and early 70s, an R. Crumb illustration Keep on Truckin’ showed three men in a row walking with outstretched front legs. It inspired people to keep going in spite of setbacks. (Or, at least, that’s how I interpreted it.)

I think about that phrase Keep on Truckin’ when it comes to changing a work relationship or an organization. It takes hard work. And there are setbacks. And, to make matters worse, you have to keep working at it over time.

It’s not easy, and it requires you to stretch yourself in ways that don’t always feel good. You have a part in creating every situation you’re in; changing the situation means changing your behavior.

The payoff for all that effort rarely comes when you expect it, and often not in the way you expect it. But it usually comes—if you keep at it.

In Good to Great, Jim Collins calls this pushing on the flywheel. Imagine a massive cast iron wheel that you can move only an inch or so at a time. You keep pushing, again and again, until it starts to rotate. Keep at it over weeks and months and years, and it starts to gain momentum. Then, and only then, will you start to experience the breakthroughs. They come because you kept pushing on the flywheel.

Many of us expect results too soon and give up on pushing the flywheel too early. Actually, if it is the right thing to push, we should probably expect to be pushing it forever. So, pick your flywheel carefully!

What is the flywheel you’re pushing on?

Comment  •  Email This Post  •  Influence Leader Home
Technorati  •  Del.icio.us  •  Digg This!  •  Stumble It!  •  Facebook  •  Twitter
Tags: , ,

« Older Entries