Posts Tagged ‘Resistance’

An obligation to influence

15 May 2009

On 28 January 1986, the space shuttle Challenger exploded upon take-off because an O-ring seal on the right booster rocket leaked fuel, which was ignited by the rockets. Seven astronauts died and a $1.7 billion orbiter was lost.

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The shuttle was launched in the coldest weather since the program began, and NASA and Morton Thiokol engineers had already noticed that O-rings tended to leak at sub-freezing temperatures. The temperature at launch was forecasted to be between 26-29 degrees Fahrenheit. In the days leading up to the launch, some of the engineers tried to convince NASA management to delay the launch.

2003_space_shuttle_columbia_disaster

On 1 February 2003, the shuttle Columbia burned up on re-entry because the heat shield had been severely damaged when fuel tank insulation foam struck the orbiter during launch. After the launch, several engineers suspected damage but could not bring themselves to request expensive satellite photos of the shuttle to examine the damage and see if emergency repairs were needed. Once again, seven astronauts and an expensive orbiter were lost.

In both cases, engineers inside NASA knew in advance there was a problem. The very peril they imagined came true and people died.

One way to look at these disasters: The engineers were not influential enough.

Many folks think of influence as something they want in their work life, community activities, and personal lives. They have a legitimate, inherent need to help improve the world and to do that through affecting others’ behavior.

That’s all well and good. But what about the times when the stakes are high—lives are on the line? In these situations, you must be effective. You must influence.

You have an obligation to be influential. Influence is no longer a wish or a choice, it is an obligation.

This obligation extends not only to when lives on are on the line, but also when people will be hurt, laws will be broken, massive resources will be lost, or mission or values will be violated.

All the more reason to work on improving your influence skills so that you are able to influence when it really counts — when the stakes are the highest.

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Watch out for the riptides!

31 December 2008

Ever try to do something in your organization only to be surprised by the pushback? It happens all the time.

When this happens, it’s another sign that you might still be too far into the weeds. There are larger forces at work here, and if you don’t recognize and deal with those forces, you’ll probably remain stuck.

It’s sort of like walking in the surf at the beach and getting pulled off your feet by a riptide under the surface. You can’t see it, but you know it’s there because you’re down on your hands and knees crawling back to dry land.

For the influence leader, these hidden forces often involve an entrenched organizational dilemma—a values conflict—like individual autonomy versus consistency, or quality versus cost.

No matter how hard you or anyone else tries, these dilemmas cannot be “solved” and put to rest. They’ll never go away. They can only be “managed” to get the benefits of each value and to reduce the downsides.

In my experience, most folks are surrounded by dilemmas that haven’t been identified and dealt with. If, as an influence leader, you are trying to “solve” one of these dilemmas, you will forever be stuck in the weeds and your struggle will never end. In fact, any gains you make are very likely to get reversed.

Instead, look for the larger dilemma you and others are stuck in. Stop trying to slay it and instead work on managing it. You’ll get better results—and you’ll live to tell about it.

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Whatever you do, avoid dialogue

26 November 2008

Have you noticed the lengths some people will go to in order to avoid actually talking with somebody?

I’ve experienced two situations lately where people are trying all sorts of tactics to avoid having to talk with each other.

In one situation, an employee repeatedly refused to go talk with a co-worker on a trivial matter because they have experienced conflict in the past. Her manager had to repeatedly insist that she go talk with him.

In another case, two people were able to talk about most things, except each other’s performance. They wanted to use some anonymous surveys to collect feedback from others—feedback they already had but were unwilling to share with each other.

And, of course, we have countless examples of avoidance and passive aggression (as well as pure aggression) in how e-mail is used in most offices today.

So, why is it so hard for people to actually talk? Here are just two reasons:

People are often afraid of what they or the other person might say or do. They fear violence—mostly verbal but occasionally physical. What may be even scarier is their own behavior. They fear that they will lose control of themselves, and feel guilty or ashamed later.

People also fear strong emotions. They don’t want to feel the sometimes terrible, searing pain of rage. They don’t want to come away from the encounter with days of wound-licking.

Despite these fears, when we enter the conversation and try to talk, we often come out better than we expected. In most cases our worst fears are not realized. How do you do start a tense conversation? I’ll say more in future posts.

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Then, he got defensive

24 September 2008

Have you ever approached someone to ask them a question or share information and immediately encounter a wall of defensiveness?

This is what happened to a coaching client I spoke with the other day. She didn’t understand where the defensive reaction was coming from. She felt that she had approached the person as gently as she could.

Well, there’s no telling what might “set someone off” on any given day. There are dozens of possible factors. I wouldn’t worry about all the possibilities and instead focus only on those things you control–primarily your behavior.

Fortunately, though, when someone is acting defensively, it’s a little easier to figure out. First, you’ve got to pause the conversation you’re trying to have and switch gears. Find out with of two things are happening. (1) The other person doesn’t think you respect them or (2) he or she thinks you are working against them.

If you’ve “dissed” the person, even accidentally, then by all means apologize. Just make it a sincere apology. (Note: “I’m sorry you’re defensive” is NOT a sincere apology.) Next, tell them what you didn’t intend to do (upset them), and follow with what you did intend to do. This is a great trust-restorer–again if you’re sincere.

If you suspect that the other person thinks that you two are at odds with each other, then look for the common ground. What are you both working toward? You both want the company to look good. Heck, you both want to look good, too. (Maybe they feel defensive because they think you are trying to show them up?)

You can deal with defensiveness if you notice it and deal with it, before getting back to the original topic. The better you are at dealing with defensiveness, the more effective an influence leader you’ll be.

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Watch what they do…not what they say

15 September 2008

When you ask someone to do something, do you get whining and complaining? This seems to be an almost universal response when people are asked to do something new or different.

There are many reasons people respond with complaints, but my advice to you is: Don’t let it get to you!

What I mean is, don’t let yourself get drawn into their whining. In fact, take a breath and a step back instead. That’s their stuff, not yours. While you can empathize with them, don’t take on their pain.

After all, you are focused on getting results. And, you may get those results even though folks are complaining. Watch what they are doing. Are they getting on board even as they complain?

If you “feel their pain” too much, you’ll get discouraged. If you hold their feelings at a distance and watch their behavior, you’ll often see the change in behavior you want. And that will be very encouraging.

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Why be the bad guy?

15 September 2008

Have you ever found yourself in the position of trying to cajole or coerce someone into action? Maybe by giving a speech, issuing orders, or even making threats?

How’s that worked for you? If you’re like most folks, not very well. In fact, that kind of behavior not only fails to get you what you want (action) but it also undermines your relationship with that person, making them less likely to help you out in the future.

Instead, try “using the clock.” This is an old facilitation technique where you remind a group that they are running out of time to make a decision. Rather than exhorting them to act, you just remind them of the rapidly diminishing time. They can see the clock themselves; they can see time passing. The clock becomes the enemy, not you. All you are doing is focusing their attention on the time remaining.

This same strategy can be used in an influence situation. Rather than tell someone to do something for you, let them directly experience the need or deadline. Share with them the e-mail from the boss. Bring them to the meeting. Let them experience how it feels to be the customer. Show them the data showing that performance is dropping.

You stay off to the side, helping them interpret what they are seeing, but not getting in their way. Let them get their arms around the problem, and then talk with them about what to do.

This method will help you get what you want with less wear-and-tear on you and your relationship with the other person. In fact, this technique will help strengthen and develop your relationship so that it will be easier next time.

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Retribution

1 July 2008

At some point in your work life, you’ve probably felt a desire to “get someone back,” to cause them pain for something they did to you. And, you may have had the experience of acting on that desire and finding yourself in a downward spiral of conflict with other person, each of you trying to outdo the other in payback.

There is a milder form that happens whenever management tries to change something (even something that might benefit employees). It is a form of resistance that results from people’s unresolved anger at how they were treated last time management did something (whether it’s last week or last year). Folks in this place often engage in subtle forms of resistance, like gossip, sniping or slacking off. Sometimes, they turn on their co-workers, creating a kind of Hobbesian environment of “everyone for themselves.”

I often find it useful to looks around for this anger and see if it’s still guiding (or controlling) people’s behaviors. It can often explain a lot of underlying dynamics, especially in situations with a history of adversarial conflict (like labor-management relations).

This resistant and sometimes nasty behavior is driven by a desire for retributive justice. They want to set things straight by inflicting the same amount of pain they themselves experienced.

While the desire for retribution is understandable, it’s not an impulse you should act on. It almost never makes things better and usually makes them worse—much worse. Exacting revenge always further degrades the relationship. So, what can you do?

If you believe that others have a historical grievance with you, then seek them out and listen fully to their complaint. Allow plenty of time. Paraphrase and make sure they see that you hear them. Then, sincerely apologize if you screwed up. If, on the other hand, they misinterpreted your intention, clarify (1) what you intention was not and (2) what you intention was.

If you feel aggrieved, then look for an opportunity to ask about the other person’s intention. Tell them what you heard and how you interpreted their intention. Then ask what they’re intention was. As above, be ready to listen, paraphrase, and ask questions. If you have trouble accepting their explanation, consider telling them that; it does no good to listen well to them if you don’t tell them what’s on your mind. Otherwise, you’ll leave still angry.

In most cases, these steps will siphon off the desire for retribution and keep you both of ending up in that downward spiral. And, then, you both can get back to the task at hand.

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