Posts Tagged ‘Learning’

Do you truly care what others think?

12 June 2009

Last week, I taught mid-career professionals in using dialogue (as opposed to discussion) to explore issues and understand different points of view.

A brief primer on dialogue: While discussion focuses on seeing differences, justifying positions, persuading and selling (among other things), dialogue seeks to increase understanding among people, seeing connections, exploring assumptions and creating shared meaning.

Dialogue balances advocacy (advancing your point of view) with inquiry (exploring what’s underneath others’ and your own perspectives). Discussion favors advocacy over inquiry.

Back to my story: Here were a motivated group of people, who had spent a week together working on learning about themselves and about communicating effectively, and yet it was really hard for them to keep from slipping out of dialogue into discussion.

They had prepared themselves for the dialogue and identified dialogic behaviors they wanted to develop, but in practice sessions they did much more advocacy than inquiry, including interrupting each other.

Clearly, people needed more time and practice to learn how to dialogue. They were smart, motivated folks, yet the old habits still took hold.

I wonder how true that is for influence leaders in general. I know I sometimes surrender to my desire to drive home a point.

How well do you practice true inquiry and dialogue with the people you want to influence? Do you succumb to desire to advocate too readily?

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Take a walk in their shoes

30 April 2009

When someone does something you don’t understand, disagree with, or don’t like, you might jump to a conclusion about that person. You might label them as clueless, misguided, or antagonistic.

In doing so, you’ve boxed yourself into a narrow set of explanations of their behavior–and left yourself with very few options for changing the situation.

In reality, the majority of people’s behavior is due to their circumstances. The environment around a person exerts powerful pressure on people, and most of what we do is a response to those environmental pressures.

That behavior you don’t understand? Maybe the other person has information you don’t. Perhaps they are acting perfectly rationally based on what they know.

That misguided decision? Perhaps they are being pressured to make a decision when they don’t have enough time to weigh the options. Or, maybe their boss has told them what decision she expects, even though she’s “leaving the decision to them”?

That antagonism? Consider that you might not be the first, second or even third person who’s asked something of them this week. Perhaps all the priorities they care about are getting pushed aside to do other folks’ work.

You can’t know the real explanation of their behavior without exploring the circumstances each person is facing.

The task of the influence leader is to learn about the environments other players are living in. Understand the environment, and you’ll get much closer to understanding the behavior and successfully influencing it.

The tendency to attribute other people’s behavior to their personality or inherent traits is called the fundamental attribution error. It’s deadly for influence leaders, because it limits your options for action and building strong relationships.

You’ll get a lot farther looking at people’s circumstances and avoiding labelling.

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Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.

22 July 2008

Have you ever hesitated to try some new approach to a person or problem because of fear of failure? A fear that it wouldn’t work out and might even go poorly. Not to worry. Do it anyway. The chances that it will go perfectly are minute. Might as well get the first attempts out of the way—and learn how to do it better. After all, you can’t learn to skate/bike/ride a horse, etc. without falling down.

The phrase “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly” came from my colleague Wally Wilkins (www.take-risks.com). He uses it to remind people that when you try doing something new it’s not going to go perfectly (or even well) the first time. But, that doesn’t mean you give up. If it’s worth doing, you’ve got to keep after it.

I was working with a client in a difficult situation. She tried some new things, and got a lot of pushback from senior folks. Yet, she is clear that she must try these new tactics because it’s a matter of critical importance for the organization. As we debriefed, she identified several areas where she might refine her approach, but she remained very committed to keep trying.

This was not a situation of someone on a fool’s errand, banging their head against the wall. She’s remaining both focused and flexible. And, the goal is important. (After all, there are many things you can do badly that are NOT worth doing.)

Instead, she is focused on achieving significant results for the organization using a variety of different strategies and tools. She’s adjusting her strategy as she learns more. And, some things have gone badly. She even thinks a few might prove to be “career-limiting.”

And, yet, she is still trying. She has fallen down, got up, dusted herself off and gotten back on the horse. She knows that anything worth doing is worth doing badly.

Next time you are thinking about doing something risky, don’t expect it to go perfectly or even well. Just try to give yourself space to do your best and see what happens—and plan to try again. Things rarely work out magically the first time you try them. If it’s worth doing, keep trying!

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