Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and noticed that something strange was happening in your body?

Maybe you had a sinking feeling in your gut, or it felt like hot lead was running through your veins.

Maybe you noticed that your hands were in fists or that your toes were curling. Or, your heart was suddenly beating faster. Or, your palms were sweaty.

As we take in what’s happening around us and interpret it, conscious thoughts and ideas are not the only result. Our body also acts as a receiver and transmitter of our interpretations and resulting emotions.

And, many times, your body reacts more quickly and more precisely than your brain. There are several physiological and psychological reasons for this, but that’s not the point.

The point is, if you ignore the signals you’re getting from your body, you’ll miss important information. Your body might be telling us to be afraid or wary of someone’s intentions. That you need to tread very carefully. That you are avoiding a big decision.

And, you might end up getting into a fight you don’t want to have. You might end up saying or doing something that proves to be “career limiting.” You might set back your progress toward some goal or objective. You might end a relationship.

For most of us, it is mighty difficult to tune into the body. But, it is an important source of insight into how we are reacting to what’s going on. So, the next conversation you’re in, even if it’s low-key, try turning your attention to your body and practice listening. Take a breath and look around. It only takes a second, but it might yield valuable insight.

Ever been amazed at how quickly you’ve reacted to something someone said. In just a split second, you heard them say something, you interpreted it, and you acted on that interpretation. Boom! That fast.

We tend to notice how quickly we react when we end up acting badly, losing our cool, ranting, making a scene and hurting someone else.

Coined by psychotherapist and teacher Tara Bennett-Goleman, the “magic quarter second” refers to that instant during which it is possible for a thought to be “caught” before it turns into an emotional reaction.

The most centered people I know have the capacity to catch thoughts and briefly “noodle” on them—before they let the thought start to churn out emotions. For the rest of us, this is quite difficult. It is definitely one of those things that’s worth doing that is worth doing badly. It takes a lot of practice. A lot—years and years.

As I heard in a recent workshop, practice makes permanent. Not perfect but permanent. After all, even Buddhist nuns and monks lose their cool sometimes.

The hardest sell I have when I train people on how to have high-stake conversations is that we manufacture our own emotions. If we can learn to look at someone’s behavior, entertain a couple of different interpretations, and therefore experience a variety of emotional responses, we might be able to stretch out that magic quarter second, and change our behavior.

In doing so, we are more likely to get what we want…good working relationships and the business results we’re after.

Have you ever been swept off your feet by a story you were telling yourself?

If so, you might be like Betty (not her real name), a manager I worked with one time who was utterly convinced that Rachel (also a fake name), a co-worker of hers, must be fired. I had been brought in by senior leadership to work with a very dysfunctional work group, which involved several different sets of highly-skilled and dedicated professionals. Betty was the manager of one of these groups, and she wanted Rachel to go.

When I arrived on the scene, I talked with group members about what was going on, and learned that there were all sorts of latent conflict, safety and trust issues, and operational problems. It quickly became apparent to me that there was much to do before resorting to firing anyone.

Unfortunately, Betty was already past that point. There was no way that she would participate in the change project, or even stay in her job, if Rachel was going to remain. So, Betty quit.

I can’t think of a better example of how our feelings and behaviors are ruled by the stories (conclusions, judgments or interpretations) we tell ourselves. Betty had concluded that Rachel must go. She regarded Rachel as a source of negativity in the work group. As she saw it, senior management was obligated to get rid of Rachel, and I was obligated to recommend it.

This conclusion on Betty’s part led her to feel profound frustration and anger when that didn’t happen. And, those strong feelings led Betty to decide to leave her job. She’d rather switch jobs than put up with the bitterness she felt.(Yet, she is the one who created the bitterness.)

Here’s the path that Betty took: Rachel must be fired (story) —> Anger and frustration (feeling) —> Quit her job (action)

If Betty had been willing and able to acknowledge and examine her story, she might have been able to break its hypnotic power over her. She might have been able to entertain other stories—and maybe even entertained the possibility that she (Betty) played a role in the problem herself. Then she might’ve decided to keep her job.